Safety planning

When Preparing to Leave

•   Open a bank account in your name in order to establish or increase independence.
•   Pack the following:
•  $50 or more in cash
•   A small bag with extra clothing for you and your children
•  Any important papers including:
•  Check book
•  Your social security number
•  His social Bank account numbers, birth date, work place and security number
•  Insurance policies
•  Marriage license
•  Birth certificates for you and your children
•  List of important phone numbers (family & friends)
•  Sentimental valuables and photos
•  Any special medication for you and your children
•  Extra keys for house and car
•  Keep the local shelter phone number close at hand.
•  Pick up a 911 cell phone at Friend to Friend office if needed.
•  What to do after the abuser has left your home.
•  Change the locks and purchase additional locks as needed.
•  Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
•  Inform your children’s school, daycare etc. about who has permission to pick up your children and inquire about policies. Give them a copy of the protective order if you have one.
•  Inform your neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and ask that they call the police if they see your abuser near your home. Let them know if you have a protective order against the abuser

At your work place:

•   Inform your employer of the situation. Provide a photo of the abuser and a copy of the protective order if you have one.
•   Devise a safety plan for when you leave work and have someone escort you to your vehicle.
•   Use a variety of routes home. Keep your protective order with you at all times.

IF YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH THE ABUSER KEEP THE FOLLOWING IN MIND:

Personal Safety with an Abuser

•  Identify your partner's use and level of force so that you can assess danger to you and your children before it occurs.
•  Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving.
•  Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move  to those areas.
•  Don't run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
•  If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
•  If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest pay phone is located. Know the phone number to your local battered women's shelter. Don't be afraid to call the police.
•  Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.
•  Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
• Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
•  Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
•  Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
•  Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
•  Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver's door unlocked and others locked -- for a quick escape.
•  Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
•  Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
•  Call a domestic violence hotline periodically to assess your options and get a supportive understanding ear.

For Children and teens safety planning may help gain some control of their lives

Things You Can Do To Stay Safe
Are you a child or teenager living in a home where violence occurs, either between your parents or your brothers and sisters?
If you answered yes, you should know that as a child living in an abusive household there are things that you can do to be safe.
You should not get in the middle of a fight between your parents or brothers and sisters, even if they ask you for help. This will not make the fighting stop, and you may get hurt.
If you want to help the abused person ask how or simply dial 911, learn important numbers including family and local emergency agencies, and go over a safety or escape plan with the abused person.
Tips on calling 911:
When dialing 911 there are ways to make the response quicker, and to ensure your safety. First tell the operator your name and address, tell them what is going on and where this is happening, and you should tell them if this has happened before.
Before an emergency situation occurs you should know:
·    Your full name
·    Your complete address including city, state and zip code
·    Your entire phone number with area code
·    What situations will lead you to call 911.

If domestic violence is occurring in your house, you might want to make up a code word with the abused parent or sibling.If he/she uses that word then you will call 911.

During an emergency situation you should know:
·    Dialing 911 can reach police, the fire department or ambulance
·    Try to remain calm
·    When the 911 operator answers, state the problem briefly and give your full name and address
·    Do not hang up the phone until the operator says to hang up.

Asking For Help

Asking for help does not mean you are going to get in trouble, but if you do get into trouble call the police again or speak to a trusted adult. Trusted adults can include your teachers, ministers, coaches or family members. If your parents are separated, divorced or never married, the school should know who can and cannot pick you up from school. If the person who is abusive visits your school or tries to remove you, please notify a teacher or the principal. They can help you decide what to do next.
If you need someone to talk to, there is help for you at school or somewhere in your community.
Don't Blame Yourself
As a child living in an abusive home, it’s easy to blame yourself and think that what is going on is your fault. You may think "If I would be quieter, better at school, neater, more respectful and so on and so on." Living there, you must know that no matter how hard you try, it does not stop. You are not the problem.
If the abused person or the abuser at some time needs to leave the home for safety reasons, remember again, this is not your fault. The abuser in your home has a problem. This person chooses to be violent or controlling. There is help for abusers. This help can come after you call the police or through counseling. The abuser needs to learn that he/she does not have the right to use violence, threats or intimidation to get what he/she wants. Staying may seem dangerous or even stupid to you, but there are reasons and some of them include your safety. Talk to the abused person, talk to a teacher, or call a hotline and make a safety plan.

For more help, or someone to talk to please call Friend to Friend at 910-947-3333 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

My Safety Plan:

When I get scared I can thinkabout__________________________________________________________________

When I get scared I can go to__________________________________________________________________

When I am feeling down or afraid I can talk to__________________________________________________________________

These are the safe exits from my house__________________________________________________________________

In an emergency I can__________________________________________________________________

My Important Numbers:  My phone number _______________________________The police _______________________________

A neighbor, friend or relative's number _______________________________